that warm smile will forever be missed

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You still appear on my newsfeed and your warm smile greets me every time I log on to my Facebook Page and look at my top friends. But, my instagram and Twitter feed will no longer be filled with your posts that I can repost and retweet.

We met in last year’s Surf and Music. JP Ong introduced me to you so we can talk about press coverage for Surf events. I was too drunk to remember your name so I re-introduced myself to you during the Siege of Baler’s kick off. In Baler, we hit it off and I started calling you Madam.

I knew I was comfortable with you when you grabbed my boob in Baler. You always pimped me to the single boys and say, “no Judgment!” (remember Balcony and LU?!?!) You welcomed me with open arms, invited me to your home, told me your secrets and would always call me “the one and only Crazy Tracy” after I did one of my mischievous antics. You and Jean made “Wild One” my theme song after we spent Valentine’s Day together at Distillery. You always listened to my stories and allowed me to bug you when you were in the MRM office. You never judged nor had malice on anyone, even if someone had wronged you already. 

I looked up to you in so many ways. You were never scared of what life has to offer and you knew what you wanted (which is to travel). You enjoyed every aspect of your life and did not care about what other people will say or think of you. You were BRAVE to face the world with your head held high. 

I remember one of our conversations, you told me: “trace, I also don’t know how to swim. kung malunod, eh di malunod pero sana may sumagip sakin. pero at least ginagawa ko yung gusto ko” That struck me and I promised you and Jean that I will practice my surfing so you can play “Wild One” when I reach the line up if ever I would start to compete.

It’s surreal. I questioned myself, and my ill-fated faith that “why is it always the good ones?” Is it because you already knew your purpose and you completed it already? 

You’ve been taken too soon Mags in such an ill-fated manner. It’s unfair that you had to exit that way and I am holding on to what little faith I have left that you were able to say I love you to the ones who matter before you left for your trip and that did not feel pain nor fear at moment of impact.

 I told you that rainy afternoon at Coffee Bean last March that I will continue my K stories when he comes here and how it will unfold. You promised me no one will know and I knew I could trust you. He’s here Mags and I have never been any happier. But I won’t be able to tell it to you. I won’t be able to invite you to hang out with me, Megan and Nobs here in the city nor see your face and hear your voice during MSA events. 

As Miccah said it, there forever will be a void. No one can replace the sunshine that you brought into my life even for a short time. I may not have known you for a long time unlike some, but you made an impact in my life with the personal experiences you shared with me and your pieces of advice. You will always have a place in my heart and my heart is now hollow and broken because you’re gone.

I hope, just like in my dream, “buhay na buhay ka pa” wherever you are. Nakakatawa kasi nagcomment ka sa license instagram ko na “I now know where you live” and binisita mo ko sa panaginip. Nakakaloka ka! I hope in the concept of heaven that you are in, you are dancing with San Pedro now, grabbing boobies, drinking red horse, catching endless glassy waves and making landi with your boylets.

I hope one day, I can meet the reincarnated person who has your old soul (one who was born on the day you died) and I would tell him/her “You remind me so much of my friend Mags.” and I will instantly know that s/he has your old soul.

We are sad Mags, but do not worry for us. It hurts now but we have to accept it but we will not forget you. You are forever loved by everyone.

I will paddle out for you. I love you. Rest in peace

Magnolia Jade Martin (Oct 10, 1983- Aug 26, 2013)

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